WOOO!

Yesterday afternoon some of the bloggers were feeling like doing a little $10+1 MTT on Stars. Its a little above my bankroll but I joined in just for fun (and more tournament experience).

And guess what bitches?

I had my very best MTT tournament finish EVER! My previous best was a 4th place in a $1+.50 that only made me 45 bucks. This time I finished 3rd and made...

get ready....

$674!!! That's right!

what's more is that I had more fun doing it than you would believe, Thanks to the finest flock of railbirds in the bloggyverse. There was Heather and April and Shelly and Alan and Scott and Xennor! Some people who were there but went to bed (we didn't finish til 1am Pacific) Were Mourn (remind me where your blog is and I'll link ya up!) and Texas April. Also you should know I was trying to channel Joe Speaker by being patient, nice and ruthless.

After I won I woke up fhwrdh to tell him the good news - I think he is finally getting over the fight or flight reflex of me waking him up about poker. :)

Thank you all so much for hanging with me and your great final table advice. You guys are teh RAWK~

I idi it!

The above title of this post is what I typo'd in the chat of the .50/1 blogger ring game after getting back to my buyin before tooloftheman did. Hi Marty!

That game was super fun. There was April and Maigrey and Shelly and Pauly and He1lixx and Penner and Drizz and Marty and some very surprised regular players. good times.

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Nothing starts your New Years Resolution Diet better than a nasty stomach flu. That's what I had and my kids too but fhwrdh never got it. That is because he is the devil.

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I am still working on the final installment of my Las vegas trip report. I want it to be perfect for you so hang tight people.

Funniest thing on SNL Since More Cowbell

Its The Chronic WHAT? cles of Narnia!

Trip Report: WPBT Las Vegas Part 3

Recap: We found Bill Rini without the help of CSI, Gay cowboys ran amok, and Turns out J6 isn't such a bad hand against KQ.


Chapter Six: The MGM Grand: a fun place to meet friends, get drunk, play poker and extort money from all your new aquaintences.

I was lucky enough to be on a mission that put me in the path of 4/5 of the attending bloggers: collecting for BR's suprise. I was so happy to meet every single one of you and you were all so generous! Before we left for Vegas, the blogger pledges covered $280 of the $300 Gift Certificate. I knew there would be people who wanted to contribute but hadn't replied to the
email so I bought $60 worth of iTunes and Barnes and Noble Gift Certificates for BR to keep or
hand out to his helpers as he wished. Once all the cash was counted it came to $352. Nice work
Bloggers! Only one blogger who pledged didn't follow through (for $2 - no big deal!). That is
amazing! Thanks to each and every one of you.

fhwrdh and I separated almost immediately - he getting his name on the table list and me heading off with that other Poker Widow, Mrs. HDouble. We scrambled to the bar and ordered lemon drop martinis pretended we were in Sex and the City (the drinking fabulous drinks part, not the screwing every guy who gave us a wink part).

We drank our drinks and smoked a clandestine cig as man after man tried to put the moves on us, but we would have none of it.

"Excuse me, do you have the time?"
"Sorry, we are busy tonight."
"Excuse me, can I borrow your lighter?"
"Heh, nice try buddy."
"Can I clear these empties away for you ladies?"
*splash* "Get away from us hot ladies you pervert!"

Finally, it was time to play poker. I put my name on the list and went to bother as many other
bloggers as I could until my table was ready for me.

Suddenly, my table was ready. I bought some chips and went to go teach some 2/4 players who the queen bee is. (its me)

I sat down and there was friendliness beaming across the table from a nicely groomed player with many many many chips. "Hi!" He chirped "I'm Mean Gene." People, thank goodness I wasn't drinking a glass of milk because it would have shot out my nose at velocities unseen since Mr Remmington invented the repeating Milk Cannon just before WW1. Sorry to wreck your table image Meanie but you are about as nice a gentleman as I've ever met.

So we commence to playing poker and I enjoyed chatting with Gene, the guest of a blogger next to me, the nice dealers and the other players. Soon, I was down about 20 bucks. I took stock and
realized that the way I was playing was not right and something needed to change. I looked around the table and took a quick inventory. blogger, blogger guest, tight weak, Mean Gene, tight aggressive playing only top 10 hands, loose passive, loose passive, calling station, tight weak, and one other guy. hmmm... I know! I'll go keeerazy!

So I start daring people to live straddle. After explaining the live straddle, I finally got someone to try it. I peeked at my hole cards - 72o and you know what that means bitches...RERAISE. The flop is 72Q. and I bet it to the river and flip em over yelling HAMMERRRR! To the joy of only two other people at the table. (that would be Mean Gene and the other blogger guest guy). From then on the table paid and paid and paid. I ended up +60 bucks!

Plus I made a new pal in Gene. He is DEFINITELY invited to my tea party. Fhwrdh was done with he poker before I was so he got to be witness to the ro sham bo and the drinking drunkeness, Gene and I joined the gang a little later for the standing around portion of the evening. It was great! Then I went back to the IP and to bed.


Next Up: The WPBT Winter Classic

Trip Report: WPBT Las Vegas First Blood Part 2

Recap: Mr and Mrs fhwrdh have just checked in to the regal Imperial Palace and headed downstairs to eat and find bloggers.


Chapter Three: The Legend of Bill Rini

We dropped our bags and ran into Ephro who gave us the lowdown on everyone's location. Hank was at the sportsbook, sophia asleep, Speaker at the tourney, Geek asleep, Bill Rini... wellllll...

"What Ephro? What is it?"

"We're not sure where Bill is now. It was ahhh... quite a night."

"WTF!?!?!?!"

"It was quite a night."

All we could get out of him was that Bill played Blackjack at the IP. To this day I'm not sure what the night held for our Bill, but I am hoping it included plenty of the monkey juice and a cute dealertainer! Somehow though, I think it included a firm hand on his shoulder by a bouncertainer and a pass-out onto one of the IP's hopefully Ebola free beds.

For the next 8 hours or so the question was "where's Bill Rini?" and the legend grew and grew. "He skipped town!", "I heard he got hitched to a dealertainer!", "Word is, he struck gold!", "That Bill Rini, I once saw him rope a steer and eat a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich at the same time!". When he finally showed up, I had to stop spreading my wonderful lies.


Chapter Four: Yeeeee HAW! -or- How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Rodeo

Something was fishy in V-town. From the moment we got off the plane there was something.... At first we couldn't put out fingers on it. Then we saw a gentleman with a cowboy hat, western-style button down shirt, big belt buckle and bowed legs come out of the restroom. Then another one followed him out. Thats when I remembered... Brokeback Mountain premiered this week!

I was just about to tell fhwrdh and point out the gay cowboys to him when all of a sudden I saw about 16 more gay cowboys! Turns out the rodeo was in town. Also I'm not really sure if all the cowboys were gay (so save your comments for another blog you dumb cowboys).

PS Cowboys do not like Brokeback Mountain jokes. Thank me for that one later when a cowboy is not kicking your ass.

PPS I haven't stopped worrying at this point in the trip. Still scared.

PPPS I don't love the rodeo. not one bit.


Chapter Five: Imperial Poker at the Imperial Palace

So we mosey on down to the IP Poker Room - wait, I mean we mosey on down, then across the smokey casino, then up, then across to the IP Poker Room. Franklin buys in to the nl game and I buy in to the 3/6 limit - and thats when all the trouble started.

You see, at home, I like to play 2 tables, solve a sudoku, rock a bejeweled, and help the kids with their homework. So playing at a single live table is boring as all get-out. So I enjoy talking. I can talk all day long - did I mention one of my first jobs out of high school was Tour Guide at Universal Studios?

So I'm talking and playing and on the BB (thats Big Blind PTA Ladies) and I peek down at a Jack 5 which is as good a hand as any on the BB with 5 limpers. So I tap and out comes the flop 55x (that means I have trips bitches!) So I check and call the moderate bet as do 3 others. The next card is something that matches one of the suits on the board so I have to be a teensy bit concerned about a flush. I check and raise (that is a super aggressive move PTA ladies) and watch as two limpers fold but still one caller hangs on. I decide to give my cards a peek just to double check and....

AW SNAP! I have J6! I have no hand at all! This SUCKS!!

So the river comes and its a 6. The only chance I have to win is to place a bet so I do and...

the nice Texan fella next to me calls. DAYUM!

I flip over my J6 and the fella flips KQ suited. I had a pair of sixes to his King high. My eyes nearly popped out of my head as I scooped the chips and began stacking them. It was then I noticed that the table had grown very quiet.

"Nice river."

"Thanks!" (crickets...chirp chirp )

"You played your J6 pretty strong there."

"Yep I sure did!" (chirp chirp )

"I folded a straight draw that hit with the 6."

"Wow! Sorry. I hate when that happens!" (chirp)

The next few hands were played in total silence. I tightened up and was called down with KK and AQ that both held up and hit. The cowboys started getting sick of losing and left. All that were left were me, a nice blogger guest, and the desperate Texan so I packed up my chips and took off. Sorry bitches!


Up Next: The MGM: Myth or Real Deal?

Trip Report: WPBT Las Vegas

Prologue: In which facty wins a spot, then loses sleep.

Here is my deep dark secret: after I won the seat at the Desert Shootout a few weeks ago, first I was happy, but once the adrenalin wore off, I was scared. I was really worried about making some stupid play and looking like a dork. Or winning and have people say I got lucky and didn't deserve it. Or laughing at the table and having a piece of spit fly out of my mouth and land on someone. Or knocking over someone's beer. That is a lot of stress on a girl!

So I didn't sleep so much before the trip.

Oh yeah also I'm a teensy bit afraid of flying.


Chapter One: Hard Lessons at The Hard Rock (ok, it was at the Aladdin, but I'm alliterating)

We walked in to the Aladdin poker room and fhwrdh started pointing, "GRob, Speaker, Badblood, BG," etc. I thought he may be having a temporal lobe seizure and looked for something to stick in his mouth, but suddenly remembered that those were all blogger names and he was trying to point them out to me. Some of the bloggers called to him and encouraged him to enter the $100 NL tourney that was about to start. He did and I bought in to the 3-6 limit game.

I sat down next to a nice older lady who was sipping a nice ladylike iced tea. The rest of the table was filled with mostly cranky men, one loose Asian guy and two college kids at the end who were narrating every hand. Nice old lady next to me told us about her kids, how great the Aladdin buffet was, and how nice the weather was. She also took everyone's money and became my new poker hero.

Suddenly, I felt something brush my back and turned to see fhwrdh with a bitter pissed look on his face. He was out. It was the fhwrdh: Money in with the best hand, watch the suckout, head to the bar. I stayed in for one more round and cut my losses since everyone was still getting 0\/\/n3d by Grandma.


Chapter Two: The Imperial Palace

One of my many hobbies is playing text adventure games - like Zork. The Imperial Palace won my heart because it was just like one of those games:

You are at the Imperial Palace front driveway. There is a set of doors before you, some taped off with caution tape. You must enter them in the right combination. There is a sign here.

read sign

RAMP IS FOR EMPLOYEES ONLY. NO WHEELCHAIRS ON RAMP.

enter left door
enter right door
enter middle door

You are in the CASINO. It is smokey here. In the distance you can hear the dinging of slot machines and the random shouts of winners and losers. The front desk is to your left. A DEALERTAINER winks at you.

check in

You have checked in to the HOTEL. The elevator takes you to your floor. Your room key reads 11148.

exit elevator

You are in a maze of Asian influenced doorways, all alike.
n
You are in a maze of Asian influenced doorways, all alike.
w
You are in a maze of Asian influenced doorways, all alike.
w
You are in a maze of Asian influenced doorways, all alike.
n
You are in a maze of Asian influenced doorways, all alike.
e
You are in a maze of Asian influenced doorways, all alike.
s
You are in a maze of Asian influenced doorways, all alike.

You get the idea. Luckily I am really good at text adventures. We found our room, dropped our bags, checked the sheets for cleanliness, and scrammed to find friends.

Coming soon: Chapter 3: The Legend of Bill Rini

Happy World AIDS Day!

Well there was a little bit of happy news this World AIDS Day, people who are diagnosed HIV+ are living longer more normal lives than ever before. I learned that on NPR today in the car. I was all driving and half listening and half wondering when the new Trader Joes is opening in my neighborhood and all of a sudden I heard the NPR lady say a name I knew. It was my friend who is an epidemiologist and has been studying the AIDS epidemic in Los Angeles for the past several years. She sounded really smart and cool. So I turned up the radio.

She was talking about gay Hispanic men and crystal meth use.

"Mommy, what's gay sex?"

Shit.

I quickly turned to JACK FM. 867-530niyine... and cranked it up. "What was that honey?"

Soon the children had forgotten all about gay sex and were rocking out to freeform radio oldies.

Thank you Tommy Tutone.