Factgirl Special Edition Double Post:

Hey factual friends, Its me, Facty! I'm here to make sure you have the best Halloween ever with a double post extravaganza. First, I will tell you what to be for halloween. Then I will give you some important halloween safety tips. That is a lot to cover, so lets get cracking.

What You Should be for Halloween

Guys:

Tom Cruise - Wear a leather jacket and jump over the couch when you arrive anywhere. Be short if possible.

Tom Sizemore - Hit on everyone.

Tom Hanks - get some fake oscars and be nice to everyone.

Tom Mix - mix a store bought dead zombie costume with a singing cowboy costume.

John Gulagher - Self depricate. Be awkward. kick ass.

Thats all I can really think of but that'll get you started.

Gals:

Kate Hudson - wear your hair down and a bohemian dress.

Kate Moss - carry a pic of Johnny Depp and a mirror with a line of sand glued to it.

Kate Winslet - oo this one is good cause you can go titanic or Eternal Sunshine!

Katie Holmes - put a fake coldsore on your top and Bottom lip. Carry a Scientology book and pretend you have morning sickness.

Facty the blogger - talk about how awesome you are all the time. ask people if they read your blog. never shut up about poker. wear a tiara for no reason.



Important Halloween Safety Tips

1. Don't eat Tainted Candy:

-candy corn
-Dr Pepper flavor Jelly Bellys
-Idaho Spud Candy Bars

2. Be careful of strangers and cars and whatnot.

Well, that about does it. Have a great Halloween!

Dear Bill Rini

This one time I was hanging out with my sister and I was all "Hey, you know whats fun? Poker" and she was all "you loser."

And that got me to thinking. What if you could fuse all the fun of poker with another of my favorite pastimes - drinking!

So I got myself right on the internet to send out the word that I had invented the awesomest way to have fun in the world. It was one of the best 40 seconds of my whole life. Turns out the poker bloggers have been drinking and pokering for years.

Well, back to the drawing board I guess.

Love,
Facy

PS Guess what? I am coming to the WPBT Winter Classic
PPS I'm bringing fhwrdh
PPPS I'm leavin the kids with Grandma! (Thanks Mom, you're the nuts!)

Bunco

While the college kids and husbands are out putting bad beats on the poker world, the ladies are dropping the kids off at school, gathering at whoever's maid most recently visited, mixing mojitos, and playing Bunco.

Bunco in the house y'all.

Here's the thing. Bunco is a dice game. You have 3 dice. The dice get rolled and passed around and the girls talk the girl talk. We all buy in for 10 bucks and, as I see it, that is the price of hangin with your friends, eating potluck fritata and screaming Bunco! at the top of your lungs every once in a while. Did I mention there is a bell?

One thing Bunco is not is a +ev game. you can be the skilledest dice roller in the world and lose at bunco. You can shout BUNCO the loudest of anyone you know and lose at bunco. You can have a $5000 boob job and still lose at bunco (but at least you'll have nice boobs). What I'm getting at is that I must find a way...

somehow...

some way...

to teach these ladies poker.

I am way more all in than you...

I have registered to play in the
Online Poker Blogger Championship!

This event is powered by PokerStars.

Registration code: 1739333

Skating with Celebrities!

factgirl: Skating with Celebrities
Sis: huh? wha?
factgirl: SKATING WITH CELEBRITIES!
factgirl: remember dancing with the stars?
Sis: ya
factgirl: well guess what...
factgirl: now they are doing skating with celebrities!
Sis: oooh is that what that story about Todd Bridges is about?
factgirl: yes!!!!!!!!!!
Sis: that is koo koo
factgirl: I KNOW
factgirl: delicious
Sis: next it'll be Pooping with the Popular!

A Special Poem (no poker)

A mosquito can be a little bitey.

A mojito will blur your sighty.














A burrito will make your nighty too tighty.









The End.

This will make HDouble Either Laugh or Cry

Ok I just want to admit something right up front - just put it out there so there is no confusion: I am a poker neophyte. True story.

I know just enough to play premium hands before the flop. Now I'm working on position issues. I have a LOT of post flop work to do. So one can imagine how eagerly I await the blog wisdom of my superiors every week. I love The Cards Speak, It is everything this blog is not. It's serious, solemn, and knows what the heck its talking about.

So a couple weeks back I'm reading TCS and playing in a $5 sng at Pokerstars. The lesson of the day is...well I cant remember - I think it was Information Asymmetry in Poker. The post started with a Benjamin Disraeli quote and it was so deep it required reading with one's full attention - not while playing said sng, yelling at kids, folding laundry and drinking a martini.

While I was playing I lost a huge hand and was suddenly made into the short stackiest short stack in the world. I kept reading - hoping to learn something about poker before the end of the sng and skimmed a passage about Q7 being the best hand ever against any random mystery hand.

Well guess what I got delt next! You guessed it - Q7! I was so excited because I was against one other player and he had a RANDOM MYSTERY HAND! I went all in of course and the guy quick called (not realizing I had the nuts) and we flipped them over. The guy had KK and I was laughing to myself as the flop came: QQ4. The river and turn could not save the poor soul and I doubled up. I went on to win the entire tournament. Thanks HDouble!

Factgirl Recommends: Things to Eat

As my name implies, there are many many facts about me. One fact about me is that I have beautiful feet. I totally could have been a foot model. Another fact is that I love to eat every day.

Here are some food products I endorse - listed alphabetically so you can print and save for future reference or your scrapbook.

Barbecued Ribs - Eating ribs makes me weep for the poor dumb vegetarians of the world.

Diet Coke with Lime - Sounds gross huh? It is. But I can't stop drinking it.

Fried Calamari - Squid love to make us happy by jumping into fishing boats and being whisked off to Italian restaurants. From there, they leap into deep fryers, sacrificing their lives for our appetizers. Thanks squid!

Manwich Sloppy Joes - Sweet, savory and meatier than a Carrot Top photo shoot (ew!), there is no better way to get that school cafeteria smell into your kitchen than Manwich.

Peach Snapple Diet Iced Tea - If I blindfolded you and gave you this you wouldn't know it was diet. While you taste this tea I can also steal your wallet and stick a kick me sign on your back. Sucker.

Peanut Sweet and Salty Nut Bars - So yummy... Don't eat the Almond Flavor though. It is so yucky it will make you die.

Now here are some foods you must avoid if you want to be in my secret club:

Dr. Pepper - Invented in Waco, Texas. Waco. W A C O. I don't eat stuff from Waco. Especially stuff that tastes like satan poop like Dr Pepper does.

Dr. Pepper Flavored Jelly Bellys - OK lets say you were sitting at home on your porch and you wanted something that tasted like satan poop. You could go to the old ice box and grab yourself a Dr Pepper. But what if you wanted all that devily poop taste, but you wanted it to LOOK like bunny poop. Well, pervert, its your lucky day because here is your dream snack.

Mr. Pibb - Mr. Pibb rounds out the Manson Family of refreshment. I wish I were some kinda food judge so I could put this sad mix of carbonated corn syrup into soda prison forever.

Stay tuned for more things I recommend.

SNAKES ON A PLANE!!!!!!!!!

--begin IM Chat Transcript--

factgirl: SNAKES ON A PLANE
Sis: wha?
factgirl: SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKES
factgirl: on a
factgirl: PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE!
Sis: I even read the blurb and I don't get it
factgirl: its a real movie they are making with Samuel L Jackson
Sis: nope. nuthin
factgirl: check it out
factgirl: Flying is scary, see?
factgirl: and snakes are totally scary and awesome, see?
factgirly: put them together and what do you got?
Sis: oooooh
factgirly: BEST
factgirl: MOVIE
factgirl: EVER
Sis: hehe
Sis: scary
factgirly: we need more scary stuff movies - like SCORPIONS AT THE DENTIST
Sis: Hypodermic Needles at the Really Big Speech
factgirl: BLACK WIDOWS IN THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE
factgirl: GORILLAS IN THE MIST
factgirl: wait
Sis: scaaary
factgirl: how about CLOWNS IN THE HAUNTED HOUSE
Sis: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

--end IM Chat Transcript--

So, How Was Your Weekend, Facty?

Well, thank you for asking!

This past weekend I was lucky enough to take a Las Vegas trip with my mom and two sisters - no husbands or children. It was pretty great. We stayed in the newly-opened tower at Caesars Palace and it was gorgeous.

I got a chance to steal away and play a little poker over at The Aladdin. Session one was a lot of fun - it was about 8 PM and they were just opening up a 3-6 table. I convinced my novice sister that she would be fine and staked her half a buy-in so she'd come with me. We had a friendly table and I left about 2 hours later up 30 bucks.

The next morning I slipped out back to The Aladdin - again 3-6 where there were about 7 old fellas that had been playing all night. Again I had fun there was one hand where I got check raised on the turn by a geezer and folded reluctantly. "Do you have a pocket pair?" I asked. He flipped over 55. I felt pretty cool and ended that 2 hour session up 58 bucks. (side note: walking back to your hotel room after winning at poker is a great feeling)

I took my mom and sisters over to the Excaliber for the 2PM poker lesson. They really enjoyed it and after the lesson the table turns into a 1-3 spread limit game. I tried to set a tight aggressive example while watching my mom a littlest sis showdown with worst hand after worst hand and rebuy and rebuy and rebuy.... Middle sis got the hang though and made a modest profit and was itching to play again. Who am I to turn her down?

This brings us to our final and dramatic poker session. So dramatic, in fact, that it will be presented in two acts. Enjoy.

Act One: Ace Queen is a Fine Hand to Raise With, Dammit.

Back at the 3-6. Its a friendly game and everyone is having a great time I'm in the #2 seat, There is a Korean guy to my right, the check raising geezer from the morning game to my left, LA sunglass Asian kid, a few more generic people and the off duty dealer (lets call him Cosmo).

So we're rolling along, I'm playing my game, doing just fine. The button had just passed me and I was dealt AhQd. A bunch of people limp in and I raise. "Hey you raise my blind?" teases Cosmo. I shrug and smile and he calls. Everyone calls. The flop is AQ6 and I bet. I bet and bet and bet until the river and when I turn over my AQ Cosmo shouts "you raised with ace queen?!?!?" The whole table laughs like I had raised with 83 "They weren't even SUITED!!!" the Korean guy snorts. LA Asian sunglasses guy leans over and says "Yeah. I know what you were doing, but when you raise at this level you aren't going to chase anybody off. You should just limp with ace queen."

Looking back and reviewing my play, I don't think I did anything wrong in that hand. Just because I wasn't going to chase anyone off doesn't mean its a mistake to raise. In fact, with my raise, many people made the mistake of calling, which works in my favor. I want them to call and build the pot and showdown their marginal hands while I play my strong ones with raises. Right? Right???

But I let it get to me. It changed my play. I started limping with hands I normally would have played strongly. I check called and lost my aggression. The only thing I did right after that was to get up before my chip stack got too low. But still.

Act Two: Cosmo Learns a Lesson

So Cosmo was, as I mentioned, an off duty Aladdin dealer. He lost about 100 bucks at my table, then decided to go play the 2-4 game. Unlike my table, this game was not so friendly. Some surly college kids were playing like they were at the final table at the WSOP, all intense, with their ballcaps and sunglasses and ipods.

This is so not Cosmo's style, he is there to have some fun. So he starts live-straddling and playing really loose. Finally he is in a big blind and a surly kid raises. "Hey you raise my blind?" he laughs and calls blind. The flop is 5Q4. Cosmo check calls - still not looking at his cards. Turn is an 8. check call. River is an A. check call. The kid throws down AA for a set. You know whats coming don't you?

Cosmo turns over 23 for a straight.

The kids goes KEEE-RAY-ZEEE. He makes such a commotion other tables are pausing to watch. He accuses the dealer of being a mechanic. The dealer takes great offense to this and calls over a floor manager and has the kid removed from the poker room. The kid goes to the Casino Management Office and fills out a complaint against Cosmo! So Cosmo is suspended from work for two days pending an investigation.

After that, the fun was over. All the dealers were cranky and distracted. We bid the Aladdin adieu, and went back to the room to sleep.

We all learned an important lesson that day; poker is a fun game.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand roll credits.


OK just for you who read this whole thing - The directors cut includes one more little story about Cosmo. I was talking to him after the whole incident and he suddenly said "hey, weren't you here about a month ago with your husband and you raise his blind?" Turns out Cosmo was our dealer last month when I tried to steal fhwrdh's bb and he fought back by playing the rest of the hand blind - and winning.

Dear Joe Speaker

I made you a chart for your blog. It is so scientific, it even has a margin of error!

your pal, Facty

I'm Quittin' My Job and Going Pro!

Ok not really. But guess what you guys...

Today I played in the $1 No Limit Special at Paradise Poker and I won 4th place! Out of 900+ people! 58 bucks!

If I do that 175 more times, there's my buy-in for next years WSOP.

Las Vegas 2005 Parts 1-3

Part One: First Class

First things first: All Las Vegas Trip Reports should start with Mingus

"Honey, there's something... I... I just want a little..." I could hear my husband swallow the tangy bar-b-q sauce of fear on the other end of the phone. He was at work and I was at home packing for our trip and getting the house ready for grandma babysitter.

"I just would really love it if I could have a surprise for my birthday."

My husband fhwrdh and I go to Las Vegas every year for our wedding anniversary (7/7) and my birthday (7/9). These trips have been a great time for us to relax, recharge and have fun adventures together without the kids. I was excited about this year.

"A surprise? What kind of surprise?"

In 2003 we stayed at the Las Vegas Hilton, saw Penn & Teller and dined at Bradley Ogden (more on this excellent restaurant later). 2004 found us at the Venetian, dining at AquaKnox (wonderful seafood) and Bouchon (chef Thomas Keller of French Laundry) and dipping my toe into the world of live poker at Excaliber.

This year I had a list of stuff I wanted to do:
1.Stay at the Bellagio and compare it to the Venetian ( I love snooty lodging!)
2.Eat at Bradley Ogden again (I love expensive food!)
3.Get a birthday surprise from fhwrdh
4.Go check out the World Series of Poker
5.Find Dr Pauly and thank him for his great writing
6.Play more poker

"I don't know - something romantic. It doesn't have to be huge - just a surprise."

The morning of our trip I woke up with a head cold. I felt groggy and sneezy and sleepy all at once - half the seven dwarfs instead of my princess self. My luck took a turn for the better when I used web check-in for our flight and was offered an upgrade to first class. Woo hoo!

First class is pretty great. You get a big seat, a pillow, all the free drinks you can pound, and your own video screen. I slept through the entire flight - which is good anyway because any girl who writes this dramatically can't be a good flyer. (yes, white knuckles, but I suck it up)

"um... shhhuuuure."

Part Dos: The Bellagio

You can skip this whole part if you don't care what I think of the Bellagio .

The Bellagio's very best feature (not counting the poker room) is located at the front desk. The ceiling is beautiful and covered in glass sculpture echoing a mille fiore. The front desk personnel were helpful but I think the little gal was giving my man the eye. She was all "Hey, you're from Los Angeles? I'M from Los Angeles!" I said "Wow, what a small world!" but I was really thinking was "Get your own geek little girl, this one's mine!"

The room was well decorated but much smaller than the Venetian. Fhwrdh liked the decor better but he will choke on his Dr Pepper once he sees this scientific chart:



So you see, though both hotels are snooty and ideally located, the Venetian is the winner of the better room contest. Bellagio had one thing better about it - they have a poker room and there were many famous poker players milling around.

I decided to take a nap so fh went down to check out the poker downstairs. Bellagio's sheets were 180 thread count (I personally don't put under 300 thread count on my beds) and I slept fitfully - almost as if someone had placed a pea under the mattress...

I was starving hungry so I got up after two hours and headed down to the poker room to find fh - who looked so sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I've been watching all this time and they just called my name for a seat."

poor fhwrdh.*


Part Three: Poker at Excaliber - Bleh

The Excalibur has the lowest limit game on the strip, friendly dealers, a carbtastic buffet, and the worst players ever. But even the worst players draw to a hand now and then so fh was getting mad.

Fh was tilting like the Tower of Pisa - even with his tight aggressive game he was left with a small stack when hand after hand went to rivered miracles for the dead-eyed hicks at the table. He finally went all in and busted out. As he left the table I heard him mutter "I'm going to a table where people fold."

I hung in there with the Fedex pilot to my left and the Arizona pretty girl to my right. Finally I was down 20 bucks - holding steady but getting bored. I found fh and we called it a night.

Sorry, no hand histories - I'm not trying to make you throw up - just lull you to sleep.

*note: I am a very good wife and totally offered to rail-bird him while he took the available seat but he is a very good husband who wouldn't hear of me going hungry while he played. just so ya know I'm not a torturer

Up Next: Parts 4-6 in which we go to the WSOP, play poker and I get my birthday surprise (stay tuned, it's a doozy!)

Factgirl Reviews: Herbie Fully Loaded

(with guest contributor Hellcat)

Yesterday was a day packed with awesome social events, first Jelly had a birthday party that left him sunburned, exhausted (from swimming for four hours straight) and with a fierce sugar hangover. Then, Helly and I went with another mother daughter team to the movies.

When attending the cinema, I have found a few things most affect my enjoyment of the entire experience:

seat selection - I like to get to the theater about 30 minutes before showtime to ensure a prime seat in the center/forward of the house. Some people think the prime real estate is in the center/rear but beware, that area is filled with elderly people who talk all the way through the movie. Sitting in the front with the teens might seem scary at first, but rest assured, they make fun of the commercials and previews, but sttle down quickly once the credits roll.

concession purchase and distribution - Sometimes when you go to the movies with people you don't know very well, they may encourage you to deviate from the traditional popcorn, candy, coke trifecta. Hold fast and do not be swayed by the movie dogs and nachos and pretzels. They taste like licking the floor. drinks should be placed in the cup holder furthest from your seat mate unless you are sharing, leaving an empty cup holder between you. This is where the m&ms or sour patch kids go for sharing. Popcorn should be passed back and forth and then thrown on the floor when you are done.

movie friend - some people who are terrible to go to the movies with: fhwrdh (cranky, bad knees, hates all movies and people) Jellyface (can't stop talking, jumps up and down, popcorn/drink spiller) Hellcat (doesn't know how to whisper, squirmy, needs to pee every 30 minutes). Some people who are good to go to the movies with: my sister (good inside joke recall, likes the same kind of movies as me, we're sisters so we can share diet coke) Priya (so quiet during the film, great to discuss the movie afterwards)

and finally...

the film - Notice this is last on the list. I like movies. No, I love them. There are few films I cant find something to like about - which brings me to the movie of the day:

Herbie: Fully Loaded

From the first squirt of motor oil into the face of a slimy junkyard owner you know this is going to be a ride down memory lane - straight into summer 1974! Yeah, school's out for the summer, you got your cut offs, your halter top, your bike with banana seat and monkey bars and your mom doesn't care what you do as long as you don't stand in front of the TV while All My Children is on and you don't touch the box of wine in the fridge (avocado).

Lindsey Lohan plays Dean Jones, the owner of the Love Bu... oh wait we can't call it the love bug anymore. why? Because there is no love in the 2000s. So if Herbie's not loaded with love, what is he loaded with? Hollywood rumor says that Herbie was loaded with a little too much Lohan and her distractingly huge chest had to be digitally ensmallend! Luckily, I don't need Lohan's ladies to enjoy a movie - though I found myself looking for signs of photoshop in most every frame.

I was so distracted by my boob-sleuthery that I might have lost track of the plot, but thankfully the awesome writers at Disney Studios had my back. Just as in the 1974 version, the plot of Herbie: the Love Bu...er Fully Loaded is girl meets car, girl fixes car up, girl doesn't appreciate what she has, girl loses car, girl gets car back.

The simple story is enhanced by a sassy feel good soundtrack with songs like Walkin' on Sunshine, More Than a Feelin', and Workin' for the Weekend. Really, if you wrote a song in the 1970-80s with a ' in place of a g, your royalty check should be arriving any day. Watch for it. Really.

Cameos included Jeff Gordon, Jimmie Johnson and Dale Jarret. Buddy Hacket does not appear in this version because he died in 2003. Death doesn't keep Michael Keaton from playing Linsey's overprotective father - he has grown some excellent Nascar Facial Hair for the role thats almost worth a Google Image search. Not really.

In closing, let's ask six year old Miss Hellcat what she thought of this movie:

Mom: Helly, how did you like the movie?
Hellcat: It was stupid.
Mom: What about the girl?
Hellcat: She was so stupid.
Mom: How about that awesome soundtrack?
Hellcat: stupid.
Mom: How about the car? Wasn't the car cool?
Hellcat: *glare*
Mom:...
Hellcat: I never want to go to the movies again.

#fin#

Factgirl Reviews: Mr. and Mrs. Smith

Poor Jen.

La la la lala

penguin.jpg
Originally uploaded by fhwrdh.

You know what I love? Penguins eating ice cream.

Where Have All the Poker Bloggers Gone?

picture(72).jpg
Originally uploaded by fhwrdh.

Dear Poker Bloggers,

How is it going in Las Vegas? Really? Wow thats terrific! You drank what? Oh my goodness! You are up how much? Awesome!

I just wanted to drop you a note to let you know how boring the internet is without your bloging. I've had to resort to reading actual books. Made of paper. with ink.

Come back safe and soon,
facty

Dun Dun Dun dundundun dun dundunnnnnn

darthgreer.jpg
Originally uploaded by fhwrdh.

This is Darth Hellcat standing next to her Death Stove. As you can see, Helly has paired a lovely lavender frock with her Vader Mask, giving her an air of dark side dainty. Look carefully and see Auntie Storm Trooper's elbow and knee waiting patiently for the Master's orders!

Back to Normal (in facty-ality)

picture(19).jpg
Originally uploaded by fhwrdh.

Remember last post when I was feeling a bit off? I felt like the PTA ladies were talking behind my back and my poker game suddenly went south - and by south I mean my bankroll suddenly went from 90 bucks down to 12, yes, twelve bucks!

But guess what? I made it all back plus some. And the PTA ladies - they were talking about someone else. Rock!

The pic above is me (red hair, glasses) playing poker at the IHG the other night - scroll down if you want the low-down on that very fun night.

In other news, the blue jay that lived in our lemon tree out from got ripped up by a cat or mountain lion. Why this is sad, besides the fact that vegetarian fhwrdh had to pick the little corpse up with a garbage bag is that this was a cool little blue jay that came back every spring to build a nest in the lemon tree and lay eggs. It used to hop around the yard and look in our windows at us. When the kids would get too close to the lemon tree it would chase them away.

Goodbye scrappy little blue jay.

PS Cats suck

One of Those Days

Blue Sunshine Day
Originally uploaded by mattjb.

Ever have one of those days?

Back up, because one thing you need to know about me is that I have a naturally positive outlook on everything. I am so good at looking on the bright side, I have been asked to be a spokesmodel for the bright side and do infomercials. I am so sunny, people riding the bus with me have been literally blinded looking into my chromosphere. its true.

so the last couple of days something strange has been happening. First, my awesome and well documented skills at poker (I beat my mom, I beat my dad and I almost beat fhwrdh) have completely left me. All of a sudden I cant win a hand - even if I get A-Q!

Also, I have this weird feeling that I'm doing everything wrong. Like maybe thinking that I forgot something at home while I'm on my way somewhere. Or I am flaking on someone somewhere that I don't know. Or the PTA moms are just being nice to my face but talk shit behind my back.

One of those days.

But it is Friday. That's pretty cool. And Uchenna and Joyce won The Amazing Race - that rocked. And I did get that cool PTA award for my volunteering on Thursday. And my kids are cute. And fhwrdh is a good guy.

And poker is still fun even if I suck at it.

This message brought to you by The Bright Side. The optimist's friend since 1902.