Adventures in Housework

Yesterday was another harrowing adventure into housework, though this one had a decidedly Irish bent to it. In Los Angeles, people don't need their central heating systems very often - maybe 30 or 40 days a year or so. Here, you will turn into a bloggercicle if you don't rush from bed to heat switch in the morning and flick on the radiators.

Yes, I just typed radiators. You haven't transported back in time to 1944. Its Ireland. One of the little quirks about radiators (at least the ones I have) is bleeding them. To bleed a radiator you take a little key and twist it in a little hole at the side. air escapes and hot water fills the radiator to warm the room. Simple!

Wrong.

Yesterday I went to bleed the radiator upstairs. Everything was going swell: radiator key, check. air escaping, check. water filling radiator, check. Then the water got to the top. I twisted the key and nothing happened. a little water trickled out and ran down the side of the radiator. I gave the key a little more elbow. Nothing. Water began to flow a little more aggressively out of the hole and it was steaming. I jammed the key in and twisted with all my might. Nothing. Hot water began to SHOOT out of the little hole in the side of the radiator and into the rich brocade curtain tied by the window. I ran for a towel.

So I tried to stuff a piece of the towel into the hole to quell the flow of molten water. No luck. Then I thought "Why don't I try turning off the heat?" and ran down to the master control switch. I jammed the switch to the off position and jammed back upstairs. The towel I had covered the hole with was now soaked and dripping into a growing dark puddle on the carpet. I looked underneath...

it was a still Lilliputian fire hose. The window had steamed up and I was wondering if I should think about summoning the fire brigade (thats really what they call it here!) I noticed that there was a valve at the lower end of the radiator. Aha! I could shut the water off! I dove for the valve. Turn turn turn turn turn turn... NOTHING! I began to weep desperately and swear as many swears as I could think of as my desperate eyes searched for something that might tame the hydro-hell I was entangled in. (I realize my prose in this paragraph has crossed the line of good taste and writing, but at least you got a Swift reference)

My gaze settled on a little white speck on the floor (I wasn't wearing my contacts or glasses) what the heck... It was the screw that plugged the valve! I grabbed it and wrapped a towel around my hand and shoved it into the gush. It worked.

So I had a big mess to clean up. Somehow I managed it without injury to me, my children, my home or my psyche.

Memory

The other day I was reading all my news blogs when all of a sudden I came upon this story about a woman who doesn't forget things. You can read it here.

Stories like this always catch my attention because of how often anomalies like this occur with autism (if you are a new reader welcome! I have a son with autism, I play poker and hate housework!). Many people with autism also struggle with obsessive compulsive disorder, depression, bi-polar disorder and anxiety. As you may have read, there are some amazing autistic savants who can tell you what day of the week July 3, 2035 will fall on (without Google) or tell you what the Times headline was for any day for the last 100 years. Savants make up a tiny minority of the autistic population, and are usually very debilitated by their condition.

So this lady knows that Elvis died on August 16, 1977. But she also knows that the next day the stock market dipped 10 points. She can rattle off trivia that you didn't even know was trivial! The difference in this woman is that, besides a mild case of OCD, she is a well ajusted member of society. She is married with kids and has a steady job. She can drive and cook and do all the things any other mom does - except forget.

So

I told fhwrdh about this lady and we had an "isn't that amazing" moment, when I suddenly realized something about the article that stuck in my head. The neurologist who was stumped by her condition explained that she was "wired differently". I wondered aloud to my husband if the doctor really thought that the brain was that much like a computer. He replied that yes the brain is a lot like a computer with storage and data retrieval and electricity. So I got to wondering: do memories take up space? Do they have mass and weight and a size?

I put forth the theory that memories don't take up space - that maybe they are chemical mixtures and each subtle change changes what you remember. Fh countered that the formula would take up space. You guys are smart, what do you think?

New Years Resolutions

2007! wooooooooooooo! I'm surprised none of you have christened it the Year of the Hammer (with a snowman taking a nap in the center) yet. But, with so vary many of you shutting down shop and heading over to the PokerWorks blorgy (blog + orgy = blorgy), I can understand why you may not have time to start new poker hand memes.

Today I was reading through my RSS feeds when I came across a post that has been a blogging/op ed staple since Roman times: New Years Diet tips. You know what they usually say: Drink 22 glasses of water every day, don't forget breakfast, carbs are baaaaad. This list particularly caught my eye because I hated almost every tip. Here it is, with my notes in bold:

1. Leave behind three or four bites of your meal. Research shows that people usually eat everything they're served, even if they're not hungry. This is the one tip I agree with.

2. Skin your chicken after cooking it. You'll retain moisture yet still strip away 148 calories and 13 grams of fat. Wha? Remove the BEST PART? Next you'll be telling me to discard my Oreo centers or scrape the chocolate off my Snickers.

3. Eat your sandwiches and burgers open-faced, with one slice of bread instead of two. And how, pray tell, am I supposed to HOLD my sandwiches and burgers? When the Earl of Sandwich invented the bread-around-filling thing, he did it so he could eat with one hand while riding a horse. You want me to get off my horse in the middle of a fox hunt to eat my open-face diet sandwich and possible get mayo on my Ralph Lauren Red Hunting Coat and White Pants that make my ass look awesome? I think not!

4. Trade in your chocolate bar (235 calories) for a glass of light chocolate soy milk (120 calories). Silk chocolate soy milk is yummy and its great for a post workout drink! Soy milk is for... for... damn, soy milk is so nasty I don't even KNOW who its for. And while we are discussing trading a chocolate bar for some soy milk, lets make some other great trades: how about a date with George Clooney for a date with Pauly Shore! Perhaps Ferrari for a Kia! weeeeeeeee!

5. Use butter-flavored nonstick spray, not a tablespoon of margarine or butter, to make grilled-cheese sandwiches and eggs. I personally assembled a round table of chefs and asked them if you should use butter-flavored nonstick spray, and all but one said no. The one that said you should use the butter spray had a soy milk mustache and admitted to working at a vegan raw food restaurant. The other chefs braised him in some truffle butter and served him on a bed of rocket.

6. Order a white-wine spritzer (80 calories) instead of a mixed drink (about 180 calories). Only whores drink white-wine spritzers.

7. Hold the cheese, please. A single 1-ounce slice of cheddar has 113 calories. On salad and pasta, sprinkle on one tablespoon of grated part-skim mozzarella (36 calories). Seriously? Why would you do that and add NO FLAVOR when you could add a tablespoon of Parmesan for 27 calories or Romano for 19 calories? Whoever wrote this needs to go back to eating school. Counting school too.

8. Ditch the maple syrup and top your pancakes and waffles with a dusting of confectioner's sugar and cinnamon or a tablespoon of low-sugar jam. Skip the butter entirely and cut even more calories. SCREW YOU DUDE AND GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY SYRUP.

9. Top salads with a half cup of crunchy celery instead of a quarter cup of croutons. Same crunch effect but without the carbs! Carbs are good. They feed your brain so you can do things like think. When you think, you can come to conclusions. Conclusions like: Celery is a yucky replacement for croutons. You know what is a good replacement for croutons? Croutons! They have grain and fiber! Fiber makes you poop! Pooping keeps you healthy and happy. Eat your damn croutons.

10. Make substitutions at brunch: poached eggs instead of fried, lean Canadian bacon rather than regular bacon, or fruit salad in place of home fries. Better yet, eat brunch only once in a while. Make it a treat and eat what you want.

If you really want to eat factually (like me!), you need to eat good food and enjoy it. Adjust your attitude and have happy days - as many as possible. Don't make crazy New Years Resolutions that are just setting you up for failure. Be like Agent Cooper and give yourself a little present every day - a cup of good coffee (not frappiccino!), a slice of good pie (not fruit pie the magician!), a piece of chocolate (but not before 4PM or after 8PM - the choco-window!).

Happy Hammer ∞ Year!

A Happy Christmas and Very Merry Hannukah to You

Hello my marshmellow friends!

I hope that you are having a wonderful holiday season! Here are some tips to make things better all around:

1. At the Annual Family Poker Tourney, let your mom win a hand without berating her for limping with AK in the cutoff.

2. Compliment your mom for the lovely holiday meal - tell her the yams were your very favorite and ask her what her secret was.

3. Don't let her see the yams as you sneak them from your plate to your napkin to your purse.

4. Replace your gleeful screams of "SHIP IT!" every time you win a hand at the AFPT , maybe replacing the exclamation with "HO HO HO BITCHES!"

5. Got hard-to-please surly teens on your list? Everybody loves iTunes!

6. Go pick up a clever Trophy for the winner of the AFPT instead of making everyone buy in for $100 - everyone will be more relaxed when they aren't playing for their Holiday Savings. Then you can clean up on side bets!

7. Your mom wants a Spa Gift Certificate.

8. Lookout... your 19 year old nephew read a couple of poker books this year. He is trapping your TPTK with a set.

9. Don't drink too much! Especially since your 19 year old nephew is 420 with the scrumph.

10. Stop overthinking it all. Find one thing to love about as many members of your family as you can and write them down. One day you will look back and be glad you had good thoughts about your family. Or you will have something to rip up and burn in a cleansing bonfire ceremony.


I leave you with this exchange between fh and myself:


[14:03] husband: happy christmas
[14:03] husband: :)
[14:03] factgirl: why thank you Happy Kwanza to you
[14:03] husband: internet purchase complete!
[14:03] factgirl: you just got me something?
[14:03] factgirl: :D
[14:03] husband: hope it gets posted in time
[14:04] husband: if not, you'll just have to trust me
[14:04] factgirl: not a problem - I wont be able to drive it until after the new year anyway
[14:04] husband: how'd you know i got you a broom?

New Little Blogging Bird

So hellcat has a blog - she writes it, I help her edit and spellcheck - but otherwise its all her.

http://thegreenbirdy.blogspot.com/

Check it out - though it is even lighter than mine on the poker content.

Things to learn from the Irish:

Feeling myspacey? visit my new myspace thingy.

***

Things to Learn from the Irish

Charity: I used to think of charity as making cash donations or buying candy from the kids to benefit sports teams. Here, charity is a way of life - nearly all the Christmas cards people send benefit a worthy cause. Every week I get more than one visit from someone collecting for the sick, the disabled, or people living in poverty. There are stickers delivered to put on bags of clothes that are sent to impoverished nations. The local church supports an orphanage in Africa. People here think of helping others every single day. The only other person I have ever met who does this much good every day is Miss Cheri!

Environmental Awareness: They go out of their way to recycle - driving (or, just as often, walking) their glass bottles to the local collection point, turning off not just the on/off switches, but the pilot lights of appliances, and warming themselves with sweaters (jumpers) and using the heating systems only when necessary.

Conversation: Though I think this one may be disappearing a bit with the influx of immigrants, the Irish are nearly always ready to stop what they are doing and have a good chat. There is a easy way about the people here, they are genuinely pleased to meet you.

Nurturing Children: My observation the other day after seeing the kids schools was that the Irish schools seem to challenge the kids academically, but nurture them socially. For instance, my daughter's class is learning "joined up letters" (handwriting), but each morning there is play dough set out for them. In California, the play dough was out in kindergarten, but they wont be starting handwriting until third grade.

Calling Boys Lads: My son played soccer with the lads this morning at school. Hy husband went drinking with the lads last weekend. (they each have their own set of lads.)

Try some of these and see how grand it is to do Irish stuff.

How Not to Write

OK so I know I was all stoked about writing a book in a month. I did a good job on the first day and was all "man, I bet I could write about TWO novels in 30 days!".

But then Jelly got into school. There were uniforms and track suits and books to buy. One more lunch to pack in the morning. One more kid to rouse out of bed at 7am GMT and nag until 8:20am GMT.

And Helly got headlice. Fancy Irish ones that were equipped with tin whistles and danced jigs as they gave you the finger and dare you to come at them with a louse comb. Luckily, there is not FDA or EPA here and you can put Malathion* on your kids head for twelve hours and napalm the little bastards just like Apocalypse Now. That will teach little parasitic insects not to live on my baby (or give me the finger).

Then I went to the Knitting and Embroidery Fair and picked up some sweet projects to cross stitch.

So lets just face it. I am an essayist. I have the attention span to write passionately for about 2 hours. Then I lose interest and move on to something else. Perhaps one day I'll have a collected essays published. Then I shall sit at a desk and you can line up and I'll sign a book for you. Rawk

(*I didn't buy the 12 hour Malathion treatment, though that is the one the pharmacist recommended. I ended up doing a 10 minute poison conditioning treatment and hand combing the bugs out. One word: shudder.)

Factys Faves:

Election Commentary: Utter Wonder - The best explanation about what happened Tuesday on the internet.

New Stuffed Toy: a sampler of things - Shaky Bacon is Mister Toasts friend.

Internet Resource: stuff from home - mmmmmmmmmmmmm Jif creamy

Mornings are Different

From the time I wake in the morning to my dreams when I sleep, I am reminded that I am on the other side of the world. I throw off my duvet at 7am, no top sheet. That was how the bed was made when we moved in, and though I've done laundry since then, I never made it to the mall to pick up a proper set of 400 count beauties. So I sit up and right away brrrrr! I needs my slippers! and my wool sweater. and my scarf. and some coffee.

Then, I traipse downstairs to make so coffee. Yes traipse. That's how I roll. No, I don't roll downstairs, I traipse. ANYWAY - - we finally got a coffee maker so I don't have to go outside to rinse the coffee grounds out of the press with a garden hose. But, there is no CoffeeMate here. Well there is powder - fhwrdh found it at Spar (that's like 7/11 but Euro) but powder is not the pure liquid hazelnut-flavor hydrogenated fat I require.

Then, its time to take a shower. To take a shower, first, I have to pull a string coming out of the ceiling to turn on the electricity to the water heater. This electric water heater is, alarmingly, right in the shower! But the water is hot, and the pressure is good, and the shampoo is Pantene so who am I to point out how water tends to conduct electricity (even the Irish 220v - no ESPECIALLY the Irish 220v)?

Then, its breakfast time! MMMM Museli! I used to eat nothing for breakfast, but now I enjoy a blend or sunflower seeds, oats, wheat husks and dried fruit topped with 1% organic milk. "Facty!" you might be exclaiming, "what commune have you joined and can I get some of your hippy herb?"
"Well, first of all", I answer "I don't have any hippy herb because I am NOT A HIPPY. I am NEW WAVE. Second of all, You should try some Museli because its plumb good". I am sick of answering to you reader's imaginary questions so I am ending this paragraph right......now.

After breakfast its time to take my children to school. Oops! one of my children isn't in school yet. Don't worry though we found Jelly a school and he will be starting as soon as they can hire an aide for him. So I take little Helly to school in her cutie cute uniform. School uniforms rock. You always know where you stand laundry wise and there are no fights due to belly buttons showing or questionable neck and hemlines.

The schools here also rock. School starts at 8:30 with a daily assembly where they sing, pray and hear announcements from the principal. Then the kids go to their classrooms for learning - no crazy spiral curriculums or partial sums. They actually have to memorize their tables. There is a morning snack break and an afternoon lunch break. Class size is about 30 for all grades but there are two teachers per classroom so every child gets individual attention every day. My daughter is thriving.

So that is my typical morning in Dublin. More to come but I don't want to overwhelm you with my culture shock. Also I want to tell you about my project: National Novel Writing Month. I have no idea what I'm going to write - I'm just going to sit down and write 50,000 words and hope they all make sense together. Probably it will turn out to be kindling, but at least I can say I wrote a broom. I mean at least I can say I wrote a bag. Damn I cant say it yet.

Four Things I Have Learned in Ireland

1. Every second in the city of Dublin, some bastard is stepping in poop. Thats right, its one of Dublin's little secret suprises: There is dog poop everywhere. You will step in some. If you are my mom, you will throw your shoes away.

2. Bees can fly in the rain. Bees don't seem to care if its raining or not, they are gonna get drunk on flower nectar. You go, bees.

3. Chips are fries, fries are fries, crisps are chips, biscuits are cookies, and cookies are cookies. There will be corn in your tuna and butter beneath your mayonaise. The peas are still heaven.

4. The cost for an Ireland TV license is 155 euro. You can get yours at the post office.

Finally! Hello from Ireland!

Hi! Its me, Facty posting from the Emerald Isle. It has been a long month getting here and getting settled in - to recap:

The first week of August, an amazing crew of workers came into my house and packed up all my stuff. They separated it into three piles: Plane (stuff to take with us on the plane, which included our clothing and thats about it), Boat (stuff that was going to go into a huge cargo container and take the 6 week journey from LA to Dublin by sea. It included stuff like pillows and cooking pots - only 29 boxes!) and the final pile Storage (Holy crap it was an amazing amount of stuff! Will we even want it when we get home?)

We stayed in a hotel for about a week until our flight left - It was weird feeling like I was ready to go home before the journey even started.

Finally it was time to take the flight to Ireland. I had taken as many precautions as possible - I had called ahead to have us escorted though security just in case Cal started talking about bombs or something. I had a purse full of pop tarts and sudoku puzzles, 2 fully charged Nintendo DSs and was actually looking forward to 10 hours with nothing that had to get done. Everyone was great and the flight was lovely. The Aer Lingus crew were super nice and very understanding of Calvin not wanting to try anything but crackers. He even got to peek into the cockpit after we landed!

Next was getting to the hotel with 10 pieces of luggage. We took an airport shuttle and made it but poor Franklin had to carry all the bags from the shuttle stop to the hotel (did I mention I had hurt my back and couldn't lift ?) We made it to the hotel and had just begun settling in for a rest when the phone rang. It was our housing coordinator and he had a property for us to see ASAP. Evidently he thought it would be the perfect place for our family, it was well priced and would be snapped up if we didn't move fast. So we gathered up our exhausted babies, jumped in the housing guy's car, and set off to see the property.

Of course it was perfect. Furnished, 4 bedrooms, washer (in the kitchen) dryer (in the garage) huge garden for the kids (full of fairies) and cable ready. We decided to take it on the spot. Little did we know it would take a whole week before we would be able to move in. A whole week in a teeny tiny room with four people and 10 big bags. We were all going a little crazy by the end and were glad when the lease signing day finally came.

Guess how hard it is to get money out of your bank account when you are out of the country? If you bank with Washington Mutual it is nearly impossible! We tried everything to get dollars from the US to Ireland from Western Union to Moneygram to American Express. We needed about seven thousand dollars for the security deposit, rent and fees and you'd think we were trying to smuggle rocket launchers full of cocaine out of Thousand Oaks. Finally we had to just go the ATM and pull out as much cash as we could 300 euro at a time. We gave the landlady all the cash we could come up with (about 1600 euro) and promised to secure an International Wire transfer as soon as we possibly could. Our lucky break finally came when The bank opened Monday and I called and found one of the bankers who knew me from poker. He helped us get together our wire transfer (did you know you are supposed to do those in person? ugh) Anyway the cash was delivered and we are home.

The next step in the settling in was to get our utilities switched on. Now luckily we had water, gas, and electricity, but phone, cable and internet have been more of a challenge. I ordered the phone service no problem, but when we got to the end of the call the nice Irish agent said "a workman should be there in about 28 days." *gasp* "Then, another 5 days after phone service starts, we can test the line for DSL" aaaaaaaaaa! No Internet for a MONTH??? How would I live?

Well at least my computer arrived so I could set it up with my itunes and games and stuff right? I unpacked it excitedly and got ready to plug it in. I had already made sure it could handle the power change and had an adapter ready. I plugged, and....nothing. Hmm maybe I needed to get a new power cord from Sony - luckily there is a Sony store just a short bus ride away. So I dragged the kids, got them some McDonalds, and bought a couple of power cords. When I get them home I plugged in my computer with confidence....and.... POP! Smoke started pouring out of the machine - I lunged for the cord and pulled it out of the wall. I picked up the computer and ran to the kitchen where it smoked for about another two minutes before fizzling out. Then, I cried. I cried and cried and cried. I called Franklin and cried to him. He was great about it - he didn't even mention that I had forgotten to flip the little step down power switch on the back of the box.

So how am I writing this? I am on a borrowed laptop while my new Dell is being delivered. I ordered this crazy wireless internet that seems to go out whenever the clouds roll in. And I finally have a minute between getting shool uniforms, books, and lunch makings ready for the first day of school Friday.

Stay tuned for next post, "Coys?" Till then - Slan go fóill (goodbye for now!)

Meeee TOOOOOOO!

I’m registered in the BloggerPods poker tournament by pokeronamac.com

One of usss One of usssss....

I'm Back From Vegas Bitches!

There has been so much going on in life since I last updated you - where to start? I think first the big news: our family is moving to Ireland. We have spent the past month preparing our house to be rented and getting our ducks in a row to leave at the beginning of August or thereabouts. I hope to write a little bit every day about the entire experience of moving a family of poker players (ok, Calvin more a video gamer) to a new country.

But today we aren't talking about that. Today it is time for a Las Vegas Poker Recap! I'll keep it in little bite size pieces so you can read it in the bathroom.

Day One

It was July 7 - fhwrdh and my 12th wedding anniversary... little did we know, one Degree All In Moment may have made it our last. (dun dUN DUNNNNNN)

Our goal was to kiss the kids, fly to Vegas, drop the bags and head to the Rio to register me for the WSOP Ladies event on July 9 (thats my birthday y'all!) and that is what we did. I am not even going to review the Excalibur Hotel room we stayed at - suffice to say that there is no fluffy bathrobe and the sheets had poop on them. Yes poop.

Down at the Rio we swept through the WSOP Tourney area. I followed fh through the room as he pointed out pros. I wasn't wearing my glasses plus I don't care about poker pros very much so I just nodded my head and enjoyed the crowded blur.

We made our way to the cage and purchased my seat at the Ladies event it was pretty cool handing over 1k in an envelope and getting this:









Squeel!






After a refreshing nap, we went over to meet the other bloggers at the MGM Grand Poker Room. Bloggers everywhere! At the HORSE table were Absinthe, Colombo and the Mrs., Eva Can Hang, Falstaff, my husband, Felicia, and... dang I cant remember who else! (email me please and I'll add you). I am frightened of stud and razz (ok and Omaha too - gimme a break I have two little kids) so I decided to play some 2-4 limit where I am the queen of the table!

Name on the list, check. Time to buy some chips! The elderly woman at the cage calls me honey and I open my wallet and take out a hunny.

FG (that's me, bitches!) "100 chips please!"

Elderly Lady "100 whites?"

FG "are whites one dollar?"

EL "Yes. What game are you buy into?"

FG "the 2-4"

EL "you are going to need more than that! You need at LEAST 200 for that game!"

FG "OK you are the expert! Ill take 200 whites!"

I'm starting to think that maybe she thought I was buying in to the no limit but no worries, I got me two racks of pretty white chips and I am ready to use them! But its not my turn to sit down yet, so I head to the bar where there is Joe Speaker, Iggy, Al, and many more hanging out. Jkat bought me a drink and soon my name was called for my table. I carefully carried my wineglass and my 2 racks of white beauties to the table.

"Hi everyone!" I exclaimed as I tried to fit my wineglass into the drink holder cup on the table (tip: regular wine glasses don't fit). I began unloading chips, nodding at Helixx down at the other end when suddenly the table began laughing. I pretty much ignored it with the firm knowledge that my fly was up and there were nothing hangin out of my nose and began to play my poker.

Fun poker commenced and I won a few pots and started making friends with the fella on the other side of me - one lady from Simi Valley was so nice we chatted and bonded over our suburban life.

"So were you wondering why everyone was laughing when you sat down?"

"I was!"

"When the last guy got up and left, the dealer said he wanted the next person in that seat to be a pretty drunk girl with a lot of money."


Thats it for day one - more tomorrow bitches!

You dont say it how you think you say it.

Today came lessons 2, 3 and 4 of Irish culture 101 and here they are for you:

1. (just in case you missed yesterday's post) The Irish are quiet. fhwrdh observed that it is as if the entire country is playing golf and speaking in low voices waiting for someone to make a putt.

2. The peas are different here. Peas in the USA are tiny sweet little bright green babies that pop a little when you bite into them. Irish peas are bigger and less sweet with no pop and a slight mealy-creamy consistency. Closer to garbanzos. I am in love!

Dear Irish Peas,
Lets run off and get married!
Love,
Facty

3. It is not pronounced how you think its pronounced. Tanney is really Taynee. Dun Laoghaire is Dun Leery. Ranelagh is Ranahla. Better just point to the map until you are sure you are saying it right. Also Gaelic lessons seem like they would be helpful.

4. For as quiet as the people here are, they love to talk; and as much as they love to talk, they love to listen. Everyone we've encountered seems to enjoy conversation and will stop their day for a bit of talk. They are excellent conversaionalists, making warm eye contact and listening with interest. I am charmed.

Tonight we are heading out to Temple Bar (its named after a guy named Temple, and its not a bar, its a street with shopping and galleries.)

In other news, the PTA had their installation luncheon yesterday and they all found out who their secret pals are - that is everyone did except me! Give it up PTA Ladies - who is it?

You owe me an Ice Cream!

On the way to the hotel from the airport the shuttle driver leaned his head out the window. 'YOU OWE ME AN ICE CREAM!" he shouted at a passing plumbers truck. I can see why he wanted to call that marker in - Dublin is in the middle of a pre-summer heat wave that the locals are greatly enjoying. I, however, am so disappointed that the gray-green Eire that I've seen on the travel channel is just as hot and muggy as Los Angeles.

Oh, yeah, by the way, I'm blogging from Ireland this week. I haven't been able to write much lately, over the past month we have had landscapers trapesing through the house, renovated the kitchen and I am trying to shepherd my children through the final weeks of First and Third Grades. We landed at 11AM which my body is screaming is really 3AM. Im jetlagged and further from my children than I've ever been before, but so excited and happy to see Europe for the first time.

Before you jump to the conclusion that I have run off with the newly available and ever sexy Joe Speaker, rest assured that I am here with the long committed (to me) and ever sexy (to me) fhwrdh. Speaker is way down south , I assume hopelssly entangled in cards, whiskey, and lasses. Pure cooincidence is what happened to bring no less than three Los Angeles bloggers to Ireland at once.

After our plane landed and we checked in to our hotel, fhwrdh and I took a 2 hour nap. When we woke up we decided to take a walk. This is when we discovered one of those personality differences between us that might render another marriage assunder, but keeps ours balanced in a yin/yang kinda way.
"Where are we going?" fhwrh asked.
"Well, that fella over there - he reccomended going right, then going straight."
"Where will that take us?"
"I don't know. Lets go get lost!"

FH was dubious but once we got moving he realized that he knew the layout of the city pretty well. He pointed out the River Liffey, St. Stephens Green, and Grafton Street. I thanked my lucky stars that he had poured over guidebook after guidebook. I have my own personal tour guide.

It is now 9PM. before I head to the bar for a nightcap, a quick first impression of Dublin. It is the quietest city I have ever been to. No horns honking, shouting - even the bustling crowd at Grafton was a low murmer compared to Third Street Promenade. If Ireland is the Nation of Welcomes, Dublin is the City of Whispers.

More tomorrow - maybe even some poker!

You know you want to....

I have registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker!

This Online Poker Tournament is a No Limit Texas Holdem event exclusive to Bloggers.

Registration code: 7330476

Its a Plug, not a Post

Hi, its me, Facty!

I cooked today! I went to a thing where you put together pre-prepped stuff into dinners and freeze them until you are hungry enough to eat, but too hungry to drive somewhere and wait for someone else to cook.

Pauly was nice enough to print a story of mine in Truckin'. Give it a look if you like to read my stuff. If you don't like my stuff, head on over anyway and read some stuff by much better writers like Joe Speaker and Change100 and Dr Pauly himself.

Be sure to check Miss April for WPBT Updates - there is a new one - dont be left out in the cold... er... heat!

That's it for now - be good and Ill write some more later, bitches!

Do You REALIZE How Great I Look in a Tiara?

This meme reached me as I was getting dressed for the Oscars. My daughter was resisting putting on her gown and gloves but I insisted - we were going to miss the opening!. She relented and we made our way downstairs. Suddenly she balked. She ran back upstairs and scrambled back with the purple bathmat from the kid's bathroom.

"We need a red carpet, right?"

Thats my girl! We made fhwrdh pretend to take pictures of us as we ble kisses and reagally walked over to the couch where our soda and cookies and popcorn awaited. I took off my tiara 'cause it was kinda itching me and we enjoyed the pageantry.

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Four Jobs I've Had In My Life in LA:

1. Tour Guide at Universal Studios
2. Page at Paramount Studios
3. Personal Assistant to a Famous TV and Movie Producer
4. Script supervisor on an unreleased feature film

Four Movies About LA I Could Watch Over And Over:

1. Repo Man
2. Short Cuts
3. Adaptation
4. Clueless

Four Places I've Lived All Over L.A. (With Food Memories From Each):

1. Melrose Avenue (Sundried Tomato and Riccotta Ravioli at Cafe Luna )
2. La Cienega (Sag Paneer and Chicken Korma takeout)
3. Glendale (Armenian Mystery Meat from the lady next door)
4. Sherman Oaks (Tuna Melt and big Dill Pickles at Jerry's Deli)

Four LA-Themed Shows I Love(d) To Watch:

1. Entourage
2. CHiPs
3. Emergency!
4. Arrested Development

Four Places I Would Vacation At In LA:

1. Disneyland
2. Magic Castle Hotel
3. Hollywood Roosevelt
4. Georgian Hotel

Four LA-Based Websites I Visit Daily:

1. Defamer
2. LAist
3. Bill Rini
4. Perez Hilton

Four Of My Favorite Foods Found In LA:

1. Steak at the Pacific Dining Car
2. Margaritas at El Cholo
3. Coconut Soup at Chan Dara
4. the Tasting Menu at Ca Del Sol

Four Places In LA I Would Rather Be Right Now:

1. sneaking onto a closed set
2. hiking through the scrub in Malibu State Park
3. catching a show downtown
4. showing the kids a museum (Except maybe MOMA - I'll save that for when they are older)

Tagged:
Fhwrdh
Maggie
The PTA Ladies (who are welcome to borrow my blog
Steve

Adventures in ....

Poker

Well to start the week off, I was pretty stoked to take 7th int he 16k. I love the final table! Also it was rad like Crocket and Tubbs to win the WWdN tourney at Stars! yay!

Dear Bloggers who I put on tilt,
I hope we can still be friends. I understnd I am a donkey and am sorry you got near my hoofs.
hee haw,
facty

House work

So remember when I got my hair stuck in the vaccuum? Yeah that sucked (har har) and I vowed to get a maid after that. But I didn't ever get around to it.

Yesterday was laundry day and I was doing the laundery and it was all going great until all of a sudden I went to change the loads and the laundry room smelled minty! "ahhh" I thought to myself, "My laundry room smells so fresh I feel as if I am swimming in a mountain stream!"

Thats when I opened the door and started taking the clothes out and noticed the black goo that coated the entire outside of the dryer barrel. then the sticky little balls in the bottom of the whole mess. gum. GUM. GODAMMIT.

What do you do in this situation? I grabbed my trusty windex and paper towels and started scrubbing. no luck. Then I fetched my Mr Clean Magic eraser that has gotten me out of so very many jams in the past... nope. DAMMIT. Then I remembered - the answer to all problems lies on the internet. I Googled "Gum Dryer" and lo there it was - the solution to all my worries:

"wet a couple of dryer softener sheets and gently rub the gum away. For more stubborn pieces, let the wet sheet lie on the gum and soften it up before removing it."

Worked like a charm. Thank you internet moms!

Still, I am getting a maid.

PTA

That lady is still totally mad at me about the skirt. Whatever. But it is so weird to have someone who wont say one word to you or make any eye contact but is still hanging out around you. Today I told a story from my past and she rolled her eyes.

Note: You are not as subtle as you think you are. Maybe take a subtlety class in college or something if you want to do the eye rolling. Its not working for you at all.

The rest of the PTA is going awesome. We have the best ladies ever! I am very lucky to be following up one of the most dynamic can-do ladies int he world as president - it will make next year all the easier.

Kids

still cute and full of trouble.

Husband

Wha? I have a husband? Ok ok just kidding - we actually got to have a nice breakfast together the other day after he worked a 48 hour shift. No, thats not a typo.

Dear Full Tilt,
I want my husband back soon please. I understand you like him, but I like him too.
Factually, Facty
PS Thank you for inventing the 16k guarantee tourney -fg

Does My Fat Ass Make Me Look Fat?

Sometimes when I get busy I forget to blog. So quit yer bellyaching here's a post:

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Busy is a dumb word. Bizzy = Busy? Whoever invented English is lame.
Come to think of it Dumb is a dumb word. Silent e = good idea. Silent b = lame.

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A PTA lady got super mad at me today over a Girl Scout skirt for her daughter. Best comment of the whole blow up: "Well you have never done anything for me have you, Kate".

Tip: Don't ever say that, unless a) Kate has never done anything for you and b) You want to look super selfish and bitchy.

I hear Selfish and Bitchy is the new look for Spring though...

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February is seeming to suck for so many of my friends. Thank the FSM it is a short month. Let's rock March like its 1999.

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That's all you get for now my peeps. Haven't been pokering lately cause of my cute kids and stuff. Back soon! mwa!

Congrats to Absynthe

Bravo, Ryan, Bravo.

Well deserved.

factually,
facty